Well today kind of sucked…
Opening a 5th store;
“wow, congratulations”. “you’re amazing”. “You’re so lucky”. “How do you do it?”
I’m not amazing, I’m not doing anything spectacular but following these hunches I get.
I blended to get away from “life”.
I made up recipes to find solutions for chronic pain, migraines, constant uncomfortableness in my body.
I researched essential oils to move through depression, anxiety, loneliness.
I blended to to stay busy so I didn’t have to be still, because staying busy is easier. I stay busy to avoid feeling. I know it.
Every time I master a portion of Healing Hollow there’s an inkling of “depression”, of “now what”. There’s always been; “well this isn’t enough for me” so I open a store.
Then I mastered that, felt bored, or maybe depressed, so I opened another one.
I created another project for myself.
I learned about business, incorporating, bookkeeping, staffing and taxes.
I mastered that and felt bored so I repeat this pattern.
I love this pattern and it is who I am but it’s not all amazing and glamorous. I struggle.
I struggle with being around people a lot, with ‘needing’ to make sure everyone is happy.
Yet, that is what drives me, from deep within, from a young age.
Today sucked because people are hurtful. People can be selfish and unsupportive.
Today sucked because I woke up positive and motivated, despite processing some internal things that creep up from grief, and in a split second, I lost the ground from under me. I spent the day pretending to be strong.
I’m no martyr, I’m not a strong business woman, I’m not invincible. I’m just doing me. I’m following my intuition. I’m moving forward.
I’m a strong business woman, I’m evolving. I’m scared, I’m second guessing it all, I want to throw the towel in. I’m up. I’m down. I’m confident and I’m crying.
This is the journey. It’s not all roses and great smelling oils.
I gave a driver the finger today.
I gave a bonus to a deserving someone to show they’re appreciated.
Ups and downs.
Highs and lows.